Click on page to destroy writing

10 Trump Scandals You Missed Because You Were Distracted By All the Other Trump Scandals

By 

Mark Cowling

10 Trump Scandals You Missed Because You Were Distracted By All the Other Trump Scandals

Image result for automated door
Automated Door Technology, Trump Style

1. Trump has invested heavily in the development of automated door technology that will open 7% slower for people of color.

Image result for art of the deal image

2. After page 43 of The Art of the Deal, every subsequent page is simply filled with the word "Trump".

Image result for bad steak
High quality premium steak

3. Due to Trump’s belief in the benefits to one's character of overcoming adversity, all cattle used to produce Trump Steaks endure hours of sarcastic comments and savage critiques of their life choices.

4. As well as being academically useless, all certificates issued by Trump University are printed on card stock chosen for its ability to deliver paper cuts.

Image result for toyota sedan 1990

5. Trump’s belief in his own infallibility is so high that he has never once in his life returned to a car seconds later to check that the door really is locked.

6. During his visit to Mexico to meet President Peña Nieto, Trump used 138 gallons of hand sanitizer. (The equivalent of 207 gallons for a person of average anatomical proportions).

Image result for trump taco bowl

7. The photograph of Donald Trump eating was altered with both Trump and the taco bowl being phoshopped in. Mr Trump refused to actually sit at a table where such an item would be digitally inserted.

8. Trump specifically seeks out non-dolphin friendly tuna due to an intense distrust of all aquatic mammals.

9. Donald Trump must be accompanied by at least one handler whenever he is outside. This precaution was introduced after a 1998 scare involving a staring standoff with the sun.

Image result for beanie babies

10. Almost 27% of Trump’s $916 million tax loss was due to Beanie Baby investments.

Quiz question:

Certificates issued by Trump University are printed on card stock chosen for their ability to what?

For their ability to razzle, dazzle, frazzle.

For their ability to razzle, dazzle, frazzle.

For their ability to discredit Hillary Clinton

For their ability to discredit Hillary Clinton

For their ability to cut through steak

For their ability to cut through steak

For their ability to deliver paper cuts.

For their ability to deliver paper cuts.

Congratulations!
correct answers enable commenting.

 continue with 

Issue 6

published 

February 22, 2017

10 Trump Scandals You Missed Because You Were Distracted By All the Other Trump Scandals was written by Mark Cowling,  who is a writer from Essex, England. His short fiction has appeared on several websites you should be reading, such as Shotgun Honey and 365tomorrows.

i dont feel like fininishing this website right now and i am sorry

I would wash my hands

and everything afterwards

but not my dingus.

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form

 continue with 

Issue 6

This writing was originally published in Opium Magazine, and is not listed in the Lit.cat archives.
The copy link button above may be your last chance to bookmark it.