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I haven't cleaned my car in six years

By 

Jaron Saturnino

Ten realizations I came to while cleaning my car so I could sell it:

1.

McDonald's fries are forever.

2.

Here is a book that I thought I would read when I found myself bored in my car. I never made it past the first chapter.

3.

Taco Bell cheese shreds are forever.

4.

Someone left a banana peel underneath my passenger seat and I somehow never noticed.

5.

Here is a tennis racket that was supposed to be used to play rounds with random strangers at the park. I have never used it.

6.

Here is a bag filled with swimming stuff that was bought in the hope of developing a daily routine. It was only used once, and it smells heavily of chlorine. I will have to burn it.

7.

Pennies, more so than other coins, are not forever. They rust so badly that they look more like flattened breath mints than a valid form of currency.

8.

I am cleaning my car to not embarrass myself in front of an auto interior detailer who has already seen worse and knows that being embarrassed by the cleanliness of your car is a slippery slope towards giving up on your car.

9.

The car is just a machine to get you from point A to point B. Any meaning that you place beyond this is an expression of your personality and moral framework.

10.

The boogers that you wipe underneath your seat as the driver- those are forever.

Quiz question:

Which of the three things are described as "forever" in the Lit.cat editor's car?

Pennies, boogers, and finger nail clippings

Pennies, boogers, and finger nail clippings

Taco Bell cheese shreds, McDonald's fries, boogers

Taco Bell cheese shreds, McDonald's fries, boogers

Dreams, condoms, and boogers

Dreams, condoms, and boogers

Boogers, Chipotle, and Infinite Jest

Boogers, Chipotle, and Infinite Jest

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Issue 1

published 

February 22, 2017

I Haven't Cleaned My Car in Six Years was written by The Lit.cat Editor. It's his literary journal, and he can do whatever the goddamn well he pleases with it.

i dont feel like fininishing this website right now and i am sorry

If you believe that,

I've got a bridge in Brooklyn

I'd like to sell you.

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Issue 1

This writing was originally published in Opium Magazine, and is not listed in the Lit.cat archives.
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