know it's lazy and not at all chivalrous, but sometimes I wish you had more arms so that I wouldn't have to help you haul groceries from the car. I think four would be a good number of arms to have. That is probably as far you could go before the scales tip in favor of cumbersome rather than beneficial. You could have two where they are now, connected to your shoulders, and you could have two more below those, protruding from the sides of your chest. With a body like that you would be a self-sufficient grocery hauling machine. You would also be a massive asset on defense when we play league basketball. Think about it: there is nobody on the rec center circuit who would be mentally or physically prepared for a four-armed defender. I mean, could you really envision anybody from a talent pool that shallow ever getting the best of you in a one-on-one situation? Our league is filled with middling, selfish grandstanders—there is not a chance any one of them is up to the task. You and your four arms would take us all the way to the top of the standings. Undefeated league champions, anchored by the magnificent aberration and the one who loves her.