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Spam

By 

James Kester

T

here was an email in my spam last month. It read:

 

Dear Earthling,
You have been selected from billions to represent your species in an Intergalactic battle to determine the fate of your planet!
In just two days time you will be pitched against foes from all quadrants of the Milky Way Galaxy, including gigantic, slug-like Glicks, and seven-toed Klormoth’s from the Naabian System (Last year’s winners).
The battle will be held in a huge arena, and will be televised in both visual and psychic capacities galaxy-wide!
All you need to do to take part in this once-in-a-lifetime event is click on the link below, where you will be asked to fill out a short form and bank-details.
Dare you miss out on this opportunity to liberate your planet from certain annihilation?!
Yours,
Goodluck Zalani,
The United Galactic Federation Of Star Systems.
 

Since you’re currently alive and reading this, I guess you already know how the rest of the story turns out.

Quiz question:

Who were last year's winners from The United Galactic Federation's Intergalactic Battle?

The Humans

The Humans

The Seven-toed Klormoth’s

The Seven-toed Klormoth’s

The Rick and Morties

The Rick and Morties

The Great King Kong

The Great King Kong

Congratulations!
correct answers enable commenting.

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Issue 7

published 

September 22, 2017

Spam was written by James Kester, who was born in the UK in 1973. He writes his own brand of pulp, surreal sci-fi. He also works in a hospital.

i dont feel like fininishing this website right now and i am sorry

Your eyes are very

nice but the bags under them

are not flattering.

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Issue 7

This writing was originally published in Opium Magazine, and is not listed in the Lit.cat archives.
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