I just figured out the best way to relieve some election stress and anxiety. As I know that a good many are experiencing the same, I thought I would share. Here are the step by step instructions:
>have a dog.
>dog escapes out the door past a dad and takes off towards the creek and the fields
>dog has a history of running far and killing chickens
>there is a house several kms down the road that now has chickens outside all day
>dog has run several kms for 12hrs at a time before
>no one tells you dog is out. you sit drinking coffee, reading the internet and trying not to stress about an election.
>you go downstairs to get something eat
>a mom says all casual 'oh dog got out.'
>you get a shot of adrenaline, run upstairs, throw on a t-shirt, pants and shoes, race downstairs, grab dog treats and run outside.
>a dad is there puttering in the shed.
>'where is dog?'
>'oh I don't know. she was down there a while ago.'
>get mad at dad.
>hurry down to the creek and call dog.
>finally see dog on other side of the creek next to the 500 acre corn field.
>see dog ignore you and trot down the side of corn, in the direction of the road which would eventually lead to chickens.
>decide that getting to the road and crossing the creek there to head down the side of corn towards dog is best course of action.
>wade through really long grass and burdock.
>curse at all the burdock sticky things that are wadding up all over your pants.
>get to road, cross the bridge to other side of the creek and walk down side of corn.
>ponder life for a while.
>look at shoes and see mud on them.
>curse yourself for not putting on old shoes.
>dog looks and thinks no way and trots into corn.
>think ‘gosh, I haven't gone in corn like this since I was a kid. it’s kinda neat and oh my god it’s taller than me! oh wait, dog. focus on dog.’
>dog decides that corn is the wrong direction, turns and heads back to creek.
>dog now in creek looking at you.
>hold out dog treat.
>watch dog slowly come to you and reluctantly take treat.
>grab dog collar.
>dog will be stubborn and doesn't move.
>start dragging dog.
>realize that dragging dog by the collar through creeks and heavy brush is difficult.
>curse yourself for not bringing a leash.
>think 'hey I can use my shirt and loop it through the collar'.
>think 'I have no bra on'.
>think 'I'm in the country, who the fuck cares'.
>have a not so bad, shirtless walk, with your dog, on a unseasonably warm and sunny fall day.
>realize that letting it all hang out feels pretty awesome. walk tall and proud.
>walk around the side of the house, pulling your dog with your shirt, covering your boobs with your hands because you know a dad might be there.
>have him see you and stare in shock, "what? why have you no shirt on!"
>there. stress all gone for now.